Thursday, June 18, 2009

page 4 edit 1

after a bit of editing on page 4 here's what i came up with.

- panel one changed from a straight on back view into a slightly angled shot. i still need to fix major perspective problems because it is too forced but the basic idea of depth is introduced with perspective and tone indications. wow my eyeball perspective in close up shots is really wack but at least i can see it. darkest darks in the foreground and limited and lighter tonal scale in the background.

- i removed panel 2 because i felt like i didn't need it and i can tell the story of him turning his attention to the storage rook in the following wide shot anyways

- panel 2, i changed the placement of the camera so that we can see more of the food storage room more directly than before when the camera was from behind hiraku and the storage room was a small shape on the edge of the page. this should add clarity to where the room is in relation to the main house also.

- panel 3 and 4, i wanted to show a reverse shot of the servant boy with more food jars all around him to further emphasize that hiraku's family have an over abundance of food.

- old panel 5: i had hiraku yell at the servant boy but then i decided that it wasn't necessary. i should be able to tell the story of hiraku chasing the servant boy in the last panel on the page anyways. trimming off the excess fat.

- new panel 5: i have a lot of problems here so i think i may have to isolate this panel when i work on it into a new file, hammer the perspective down and nail the character model sheets down to make sure that they are consistent. i blew right through the servant's design so i have to put extra care into making him a unique looking character.

- the next important thing to work on is defining what the servant boy is holding. this will be crucial to telling the story.


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